CHAPTER XI
You wish (I can see by your countenances) I would inform you how I
became possessed of such a treasure as the sling just mentioned. (Here
facts must be held sacred.) Thus then it was: I am a descendant of the
wife of Uriah, whom we all know David was intimate with; she had
several children by his majesty; they quarrelled once upon a matter of
the first consequence, viz., the spot where Noah's ark was built, and
where it rested after the flood. A separation consequently ensued. She
had often heard him speak of this sling as his most valuable treasure:
this she stole the night they parted; it was missed before she got out
of his dominions, and she was pursued by no less than six of the
king's body-guards: however, by using it herself she hit the first of
them (for one was more active in the pursuit than the rest) where
David did Goliath, and killed him on the spot. His companions were so
alarmed at his fall that they retired, and left Uriah's wife to pursue
her journey. She took with her, I should have informed you before, her
favourite son by this connection, to whom she bequeathed the sling;
and thus it has, without interruption, descended from father to son
till it came into my possession. One of its possessors, my great-
great-great-grandfather, who lived about two hundred and fifty years
ago, was upon a visit to England, and became intimate with a poet who
was a great deer-stealer; I think his name was Shakespeare: he
frequently borrowed this sling, and with it killed so much of Sir
Thomas Lucy's venison, that he narrowly escaped the fate of my two
friends at Gibraltar. Poor Shakespeare was imprisoned, and my ancestor
obtained his freedom in a very singular manner. Queen Elizabeth was
then on the throne, but grown so indolent, that every trifling matter
was a trouble to her; dressing, undressing, eating, drinking, and some
other offices which shall be nameless, made life a burden to her; all
these things he enabled her to do without, or by a deputy! and what do
you think was the only return she could prevail upon him to accept for
such eminent services? setting Shakespeare at liberty! Such was his
affection for that famous writer, that he would have shortened his own
days to add to the number of his friend's.
I do not hear that any of the queen's subjects, particularly the
/beef-eaters/, as they are vulgarly called to this day, however they
might be struck with the novelty at the time, much approved of her
living totally without food. She did not survive the practice herself
above seven years and a half.
My father, who was the immediate possessor of this sling before me,
told me the following anecdote:--
He was walking by the sea-shore at Harwich, with this sling in his
pocket; before his paces had covered a mile he was attacked by a
fierce animal called a seahorse, open-mouthed, who ran at him with
great fury; he hesitated a moment, then took out his sling, retreated
back about a hundred yards, stooped for a couple of pebbles, of which
there were plenty under his feet, and slung them both so dexterously
at the animal, that each stone put out an eye, and lodged in the
cavities which their removal had occasioned. He now got upon his back,
and drove him into the sea; for the moment he lost his sight he lost
also ferocity, and became as tame as possible: the sling was placed as
a bridle in his mouth; he was guided with the greatest facility across
the ocean, and in less than three hours they both arrived on the
opposite shore, which is about thirty leagues. The master of the
/Three Cups/, at Helvoetsluys, in Holland, purchased this marine
horse, to make an exhibition of, for seven hundred ducats, which was
upwards of three hundred pounds, and the next day my father paid his
passage back in the packet to Harwich.
/--My father made several curious observations in this passage, which
I will relate hereafter./
