CHAPTER XXXII
"My friends, and very learned and profound Judiciarii," said I, "be
not disheartened that Wauwau has escaped from you at present:
persevere, and we shall yet succeed. You should never despair,
Munchausen being your general; and therefore be brave, be courageous,
and fortune shall second your endeavours. Let us advance undaunted in
pursuit, and follow the fierce Wauwau even three times round the
globe, until we entrap her."
My words filled them with confidence and valour, and they unanimously
agreed to continue the chase. We penetrated the frightful deserts and
gloomy woods of America, beyond the source of the Ohio, through
countries utterly unknown before. I frequently took the diversion of
shooting in the woods, and one day that I happened with three
attendants to wander far from our troop, we were suddenly set upon by
a number of savages. As we had expended our powder and shot, and
happened to have no side-arms, it was in vain to make any resistance
against hundreds of enemies. In short, they bound us, and made us walk
before them to a gloomy cavern in a rock, where they feasted upon what
game they had killed, but which not being sufficient, they took my
three unfortunate companions and myself, and scalped us. The pain of
losing the flesh from my head was most horrible; it made me leap in
agonies, and roar like a bull. They then tied us to stakes, and making
great fires around us, began to dance in a circle, singing with much
distortion and barbarity, and at times putting the palms of their
hands to their mouths, set up the war-whoop. As they had on that day
also made a great prize of some wine and spirits belonging to our
troop, these barbarians, finding it delicious, and unconscious of its
intoxicating quality, began to drink it in profusion, while they
beheld us roasting, and in a very short time they were all completely
drunk, and fell asleep around the fires. Perceiving some hopes, I used
most astonishing efforts to extricate myself from the cords which I
was tied, and at length succeeded. I immediately unbound my
companions, and though half roasted, they still had power enough to
walk. We sought about for the flesh that had been taken off our heads,
and having found the scalps, we immediately adapted them to our bloody
heads, sticking them on with a kind of glue of a sovereign quality,
that flows from a tree in that country, and the parts united and
healed in a few hours. We took care to revenge ourselves on the
savages, and with their own hatchets put every one of them to death.
We then returned to our troop, who had given us up for lost, and they
made great rejoicings on our return. We now proceeded in our journey
through this prodigious wilderness, Gog and Magog acting as pioneers,
hewing down the trees, &c., at a great rate as we advanced. We passed
over numberless swamps and lakes and rivers, until at length we
discovered a habitation at some distance. It appeared a dark and
gloomy castle, surrounded with strong ramparts, and a broad ditch. We
called a council of war, and it was determined to send a deputation
with a trumpet to the walls of the castle, and demand friendship from
the governor, whoever he might be, and an account if aught he knew of
Wauwau. For this purpose our whole caravan halted in the wood, and Gog
and Magog reclined amongst the trees, that their enormous strength and
size should not be discovered, and give umbrage to the lord of the
castle. Our embassy approached the castle, and having demanded
admittance for some time, at length the drawbridge was let down, and
they were suffered to enter. As soon as they had passed the gate it
was immediately closed after them, and on either side they perceived
ranks of halberdiers, who made them tremble with fear. "We come," the
herald proclaimed, "on the part of Hilaro Frosticos, Don Quixote, Lord
Whittington, and the thrice-renowned Baron Munchausen, to claim
friendship from the governor of this puissant castle, and to seek
Wauwau." "The most noble the governor," replied the officer, "is at
all times happy to entertain such travellers as pass through these
immense deserts, and will esteem it an honour that the great Hilaro
Frosticos, Don Quixote, Lord Whittington, and the thrice-renowned
Baron Munchausen, enter his castle walls."
In short, we entered the castle. The governor sat with all our company
to table, surrounded by his friends, of a very fierce and warlike
appearance. They spoke but little, and seemed very austere and
reserved, until the first course was served up. The dishes were
brought in by a number of bears walking on their hind-legs, and on
every dish was a fricassee of pistols, pistol-bullets, sauce of
gunpowder, and aqua-vitæ. This entertainment seemed rather
indigestible by even an ostrich's stomach, when the governor addressed
us, and informed me that it was ever his custom to strangers to offer
them for the first course a service similar to that before us; and if
they were inclined to accept the invitation, he would fight them as
much as they pleased, but if they could not relish the pistol-bullets,
&c., he would conclude them peaceable, and try what better politeness
he could show them in his castle. In short, the first course being
removed untouched, we dined, and after dinner the governor forced the
company to push the bottle about with alacrity and to excess. He
informed us that he was the Nareskin Rowskimowmowsky, who had retired
amidst these wilds, disgusted with the court of Petersburgh. I was
rejoiced to meet him; I recollected my old friend, whom I had known at
the court of Russia, when I rejected the hand of the Empress. The
Nareskin, with all his knights-companions, drank to an astonishing
degree, and we all set off upon hobby horses in full cry out of the
castle. Never was there seen such a cavalcade before. In front
galloped a hundred knights belonging to the castle, with hunting horns
and a pack of excellent dogs; and then came the Nareskin
Rowskimowmowsky, Gog and Magog, Hilaro Frosticos, and your humble
servant, hallooing and shouting like so many demoniacs, and spurring
our hobby horses at an infernal rate until we arrived in the kingdom
of Loggerheads. The kingdom of Loggerheads was wilder than any part of
Siberia, and the Nareskin had here built a romantic summer-house in a
Gothic taste, to which he would frequently retire with his company
after dinner. The Nareskin had a dozen bears of enormous stature that
danced for our amusement, and their chiefs performed the /minuet de la
cour/ to admiration. And here the most noble Hilaro Frosticos thought
proper to ask the Nareskin some intelligence about Wauwau, in quest of
whom we had travelled over such a tract of country, and encountered so
many dangerous adventures, and also invited the Nareskin
Rowskimowmowsky to attend us with all his bears in the expedition. The
Nareskin appeared astonished at the idea; he looked with infinite
hauteur and ferocity on Hilaro, and affecting a violent passion asked
him, "Did he imagine that the Nareskin Rowskimowmowsky could
condescend to take notice of a Wauwau, let her fly what way she would!
Or did he think a chief possessing such blood in his veins could
engage in such a foreign pursuit? By the blood and by the ashes of my
great grandmother, I would cut off your head!"
Hilaro Frosticos resented this oration, and in short a general riot
commenced. The bears, together with the hundred knights, took the part
of the Nareskin, and Gog and Magog, Don Quixote, the Sphinx, Lord
Whittington, the bulls, the crickets, the judges, the matrons, and
Hilaro Frosticos, made noble warfare against them.
I drew my sword, and challenged the Nareskin to single combat. He
frowned, while his eyes sparkled fire and indignation, and bracing a
buckler on his left arm, he advanced against me. I made a blow at him
with all my force, which he received upon his buckler, and my sword
broke short.
Ungenerous Nareskin; seeing me disarmed, he still pushed forward,
dealing his blows upon me with the utmost violence, which I parried
with my shield and the hilt of my broken sword, and fought like a
game-cock.
An enormous bear at the same time attacked me, but I ran my hand still
retaining the hilt of my broken sword down his throat, and tore up his
tongue by the roots. I then seized his carcase by the hind-legs, and
whirling it over my head, gave the Nareskin such a blow with his own
bear as evidently stunned him. I repeated my blows, knocking the
bear's head against the Nareskin's head, until, by one happy blow, I
got his head into the bear's jaws, and the creature being still
somewhat alive and convulsive, the teeth closed upon him like
nutcrackers. I threw the bear from me, but the Nareskin remained
sprawling, unable to extricate his head from the bear's jaws,
imploring for mercy. I gave the wretch his life: a lion preys not
upon carcases.
At the same time my troop had effectually routed the bears and the
rest of their adversaries. I was merciful, and ordered quarter to be
given.
At that moment I perceived Wauwau flying at a great height through the
heavens, and we instantly set out in pursuit of her, and never stopped
until we arrived at Kamschatka; thence we passed to Otaheite. I met my
old acquaintance Omai, who had been in England with the great
navigator, Cook, and I was glad to find he had established Sunday
schools over all the islands. I talked to him of Europe, and his
former voyage to England. "Ah!" said he, most emphatically, "the
English, the cruel English, to murder me with goodness, and refine
upon my torture--took me to Europe, and showed me the court of
England, the delicacy of exquisite life; they showed me gods, and
showed me heaven, as if on purpose to make me feel the loss of them."
From these islands we set out, attended by a fleet of canoes with
fighting-stages and the chiefest warriors of the islands, commanded by
Omai. Thus the chariot of Queen Mab, my team of bulls and the
crickets, the ark, the Sphinx, and the balloons, with Hilaro
Frosticos, Gog and Magog, Lord Whittington, and the Lord Mayor's show,
Don Quixote, &c., with my fleet of canoes, altogether cut a very
formidable appearance on our arrival at the Isthmus of Darien.
Sensible of what general benefit it would be to mankind, I immediately
formed a plan of cutting a canal across the isthmus from sea to sea.
For this purpose I drove my chariot with the greatest impetuosity
repeatedly from shore to shore, in the same track, tearing up the
rocks and earth thereby, and forming a tolerable bed for the water.
Gog and Magog next advanced at the head of a million of people from
the realms of North and South America, and from Europe, and with
infinite labour cleared away the earth, &c., that I had ploughed up
with my chariot. I then again drove my chariot, making the canal wider
and deeper, and ordered Gog and Magog to repeat their labour as
before. The canal being a quarter of a mile broad, and three hundred
yards in depth, I thought it sufficient, and immediately let in the
waters of the sea. I did imagine, that from the rotatory motion of the
earth on its axis from west to east the sea would be higher on the
eastern than the western coast, and that on the uniting of the two
seas there would be a strong current from the east, and it happened
just as I expected. The sea came in with tremendous magnificence, and
enlarged the bounds of the canal, so as to make a passage of some
miles broad from ocean to ocean, and make an island of South America.
Several sail of trading vessels and men-of-war sailed through this new
channel to the South Seas, China, &c., and saluted me with all their
cannon as they passed.
I looked through my telescope at the moon, and perceived the
philosophers there in great commotion. They could plainly discern the
alteration on the surface of our globe, and thought themselves somehow
interested in the enterprise of their fellow-mortals in a neighbouring
planet. They seemed to think it admirable that such little beings as
we men should attempt so magnificent a performance, that would be
observable even in a separate world.
Thus having wedded the Atlantic Ocean to the South Sea, I returned to
England, and found Wauwau precisely in the very spot whence she had
set out, after having led us a chase all round the world.
