CHAPTER XIII A TRIP TO THE NORTH
We all remember Captain Phipps's (now Lord Mulgrave) last voyage of
discovery to the north. I accompanied the captain, not as an officer,
but as a private friend. When we arrived in a high northern latitude I
was viewing the objects around me with the telescope which I
introduced to your notice in my Gibraltar adventures. I thought I saw
two large white bears in violent action upon a body of ice
considerably above the masts, and about half a league distance. I
immediately took my carbine, slung it across my shoulder, and ascended
the ice. When I arrived at the top, the unevenness of the surface made
my approach to those animals troublesome and hazardous beyond
expression: sometimes hideous cavities opposed me, which I was obliged
to spring over; in other parts the surface was as smooth as a mirror,
and I was continually falling: as I approached near enough to reach
them, I found they were only at play. I immediately began to calculate
the value of their skins, for they were each as large as a well-fed
ox: unfortunately, at the very instant I was presenting my carbine my
right foot slipped, I fell upon my back, and the violence of the blow
deprived me totally of my senses for nearly half an hour; however,
when I recovered, judge of my surprise at finding one of those large
animals I have been just describing had turned me upon my face, and
was just laying hold of the waistband of my breeches, which were then
new and made of leather: he was certainly going to carry me feet
foremost, God knows where, when I took this knife (showing a large
clasp knife) out of my side-pocket, made a chop at one of his hind
feet, and cut off three of his toes; he immediately let me drop and
roared most horribly. I took up my carbine and fired at him as he ran
off; he fell directly. The noise of the piece roused several thousand
of these white bears, who were asleep upon the ice within half a mile
of me; they came immediately to the spot. There was no time to be
lost. A most fortunate thought arrived in my pericranium just at that
instant. I took off the skin and head of the dead bear in half the
time that some people would be in skinning a rabbit, and wrapped
myself in it, placing my own head directly under Bruin's; the whole
herd came round me immediately, and my apprehensions threw me into a
most piteous situation to be sure: however, my scheme turned out a
most admirable one for my own safety. They all came smelling, and
evidently took me for a brother Bruin; I wanted nothing but bulk to
make an excellent counterfeit: however, I saw several cubs amongst
them not much larger than myself. After they had all smelt me, and the
body of their deceased companion, whose skin was now become my
protector, we seemed very sociable, and I found I could mimic all
their actions tolerably well; but at growling, roaring, and hugging
they were quite my masters. I began now to think that I might turn the
general confidence which I had created amongst these animals to my
advantage.
I had heard an old army surgeon say a wound in the spine was instant
death. I now determined to try the experiment, and had again recourse
to my knife, with which I struck the largest in the back of the neck,
near the shoulders, but under great apprehensions, not doubting but
the creature would, if he survived the stab, tear me to pieces.
However, I was remarkably fortunate, for he fell dead at my feet
without making the least noise. I was now resolved to demolish them
every one in the same manner, which I accomplished without the least
difficulty; for although they saw their companions fall, they had no
suspicion of either the cause or the effect. When they all lay dead
before me, I felt myself a second Samson, having slain my thousands.
To make short of the story, I went back to the ship, and borrowed
three parts of the crew to assist me in skinning them, and carrying
the hams on board, which we did in a few hours, and loaded the ship
with them. As to the other parts of the animals, they were thrown into
the sea, though I doubt not but the whole would eat as well as the
legs, were they properly cured.
As soon as we returned I sent some of the hams, in the captain's name,
to the Lords of Admiralty, others to the Lords of the Treasury, some
to the Lord Mayor and Corporation of London, a few to each of the
trading companies, and the remainder to my particular friends, from
all of whom I received warm thanks; but from the city I was honoured
with substantial notice, viz., an invitation to dine at Guildhall
annually on Lord Mayor's day.
The bear-skins I sent to the Empress of Russia, to clothe her majesty
and her court in the winter, for which she wrote me a letter of thanks
with her own hand, and sent it by an ambassador extraordinary,
inviting me to share the honours of her crown; but as I never was
ambitious of royal dignity, I declined her majesty's favour in the
politest terms. The same ambassador had orders to wait and bring my
answer to her majesty /personally/, upon which business he was absent
about three months: her majesty's reply convinced me of the strength
of her affections, and the dignity of her mind; her late indisposition
was entirely owing (as she, kind creature! was pleased to express
herself in a late conversation with the Prince Dolgoroucki) to my
cruelty. What the sex see in me I cannot conceive, but the Empress is
not the only female sovereign who has offered me her hand.
Some people have very illiberally reported that Captain Phipps did not
proceed as far as he might have done upon that expedition. Here it
becomes my duty to acquit him; our ship was in a very proper trim till
I loaded it with such an immense quantity of bear-skins and hams,
after which it would have been madness to have attempted to proceed
further, as we were now scarcely able to combat a brisk gale, much
less those mountains of ice which lay in the higher latitudes.
The captain has since often expressed a dissatisfaction that he had no
share in the honours of that day, which he emphatically called /bear-
skin day/. He has also been very desirous of knowing by what art I
destroyed so many thousands, without fatigue or danger to myself;
indeed, he is so ambitious of dividing the glory with me, that we have
actually quarrelled about it, and we are not now upon speaking terms.
He boldly asserts I had no merit in deceiving the bears, because I was
covered with one of their skins; nay, he declares there is not, in his
opinion, in Europe, so complete a bear naturally as himself among the
human species.
He is now a noble peer, and I am too well acquainted with good manners
to dispute so delicate a point with his lordship.
