CHAPTER XXIII
Taking the reins in my hand, while the music gave a general salute, I
cracked my whip, away they went, and in three hours I found myself
just between the Isle of Wight and the main land of England. Here I
remained four days, until I had received part of my accompaniment,
which I was ordered to take under my convoy. 'Twas a squadron of men-
of-war that had been a long time prepared for the Baltic, but which
were now destined for the Mediterranean. By the assistance of large
hooks and eyes, exactly such as are worn in our hats, but of a greater
size, some hundredweight each, the men-of-war hooked themselves on to
the wheels of the vehicle: and, in fact, nothing could be more simple
or convenient, because they could be hooked or unhooked in an instant
with the utmost facility. In short, having given a general discharge
of their artillery, and three cheers, I cracked my whip, away we went,
helter skelter, and in six jiffies I found myself and all my retinue
safe and in good spirits just at the rock of Gibraltar. Here I
unhooked my squadron, and having taken an affectionate leave of the
officers, I suffered them to proceed in their ordinary manner to the
place of their destination. The whole garrison were highly delighted
with the novelty of my vehicle; and at the pressing solicitations of
the governor and officers I went ashore, and took a view of that
barren old rock, about which more powder has been fired away than
would purchase twice as much fertile ground in any part of the world!
Mounting my chariot, I took the reins, and again made forward, in mad
career, down the Mediterranean to the isle of Candia. Here I received
despatches from the Sublime Porte, entreating me to assist in the war
against Russia, with a reward of the whole island of Candia for my
alliance. At first I hesitated, thinking that the island of Candia
would be a most valuable acquisition to the sovereign who at that time
employed me, and that the most delicious wines, sugar, &c., in
abundance would flourish on the island; yet, when I considered the
trade of the East India Company, which would most probably suffer by
the intercourse with Persia through the Mediterranean, I at once
rejected the proposal, and had afterwards the thanks of the Honourable
the House of Commons for my propriety and political discernment.
Having been properly refreshed at Candia, I again proceeded, and in a
short time arrived in the land of Egypt. The land of this country, at
least that part of it near the sea, is very low, so that I came upon
it ere I was aware, and the Pillar of Pompey got entangled in the
various wheels of the machine, and damaged the whole considerably.
Still I drove on through thick and thin, till, passing over that great
obelisk, the Needle of Cleopatra, the work got entangled again, and
jolted at a miserable rate over the mud and swampy ground of all that
country; yet my poor bulls trotted on with astonishing labour across
the Isthmus of Suez into the Red Sea, and left a track, an obscure
channel, which has since been taken by De Tott for the remains of a
canal cut by some of the Ptolemies from the Red Sea to the
Mediterranean; but, as you perceive, was in reality no more than the
track of my chariot, the car of Queen Mab.
As the artists at present in that country are nothing wonderful,
though the ancient Egyptians, 'tis said, were most astonishing
fellows, I could not procure any new coach-springs, or have a
possibility of setting my machine to rights in the kingdom of Egypt;
and as I could not presume to attempt another journey overland, and
the great mountains of marble beyond the source of the Nile, I thought
it most eligible to make the best way I could, by sea, to the Cape of
Good Hope, where I supposed I should get some Dutch smiths and
carpenters, or perhaps some English artists; and my vehicle being
properly repaired, it was my intention thence to proceed, overland,
through the heart of Africa. The surface of the water, I well knew,
afforded less resistance to the wheels of the machine--it passed along
the waves like the chariot of Neptune; and in short, having gotten
upon the Red Sea, we scudded away to admiration through the pass of
Babelmandeb to the great Western coast of Africa, where Alexander had
not the courage to venture.
And really, my friends, if Alexander had ventured toward the Cape of
Good Hope he most probably would have never returned. It is difficult
to determine whether there were then any inhabitants in the more
southern parts of Africa or not; yet, at any rate, this conqueror of
the world would have made but a nonsensical adventure; his miserable
ships, not contrived for a long voyage, would have become leaky, and
foundered, before he could have doubled the Cape, and left his Majesty
fairly beyond the limits of the then known world. Yet it would have
been an august exit for an Alexander, after having subdued Persia and
India, to be wandering the Lord knows where, to Jup or Ammon, perhaps,
or on a voyage to the moon, as an Indian chief once said to Captain
Cook.
But, for my part, I was far more successful than Alexander; I drove on
with the most amazing rapidity, and thinking to halt on shore at the
Cape, I unfortunately drove too close, and shattered the right side
wheels of my vehicle against the rock, now called the Table Mountain.
The machine went against it with such impetuosity as completely
shivered the rock in a horizontal direction; so that the summit of the
mountain, in the form of a semi-sphere, was knocked into the sea, and
the steep mountain becoming thereby flattened at the top, has since
received the name of the Table Mountain, from its similarity to that
piece of furniture.
Just as this part of the mountain was knocked off, the ghost of the
Cape, that tremendous sprite which cuts such a figure in the Lusiad,
was discovered sitting squat in an excavation formed for him in the
centre of the mountain. He seemed just like a young bee in his little
cell before he comes forth, or like a bean in a bean-pod; and when the
upper part of the mountain was split across and knocked off, the
superior half of his person was discovered. He appeared of a bottle-
blue colour, and started, dazzled with the unexpected glare of the
light: hearing the dreadful rattle of the wheels, and the loud
chirping of the crickets, he was thunder-struck, and instantly giving
a shriek, sunk down ten thousand fathoms into the earth, while the
mountain, vomiting out some smoke, silently closed up, and left not a
trace behind!
