CHAPTER XXVII
Some time after I ordered the following proclamation to be published
in the Court Gazette, and in all the other papers of the empire:--
BY THE MOST MIGHTY AND PUISSANT LORD,
HIS EXCELLENCY THE
LORD BARON MUNCHAUSEN.
Whereas a quantity of fudge has been distributed through all the
granaries of the empire for particular uses; and as the natives
have ever expressed their aversion to all manner of European
eatables, it is hereby strictly forbidden, under pain of the
severest penalties, for any of the officers charged with the
keeping of the said fudge to give, sell, or suffer to be sold, any
part or quantity whatever of the said material, until it be
agreeable unto our good will and pleasure.
Dated in our Castle of Gristariska
this Triskill of the month of
Griskish, in the year Moulikasra-
navas-kashna-vildash.
This proclamation excited the most ardent curiosity all over the
empire. "Do you know what this fudge is?" said Lady Mooshilgarousti to
Lord Darnarlaganl. "Fudge!" said he, "Fudge! no: what fudge?" "I
mean," replied her Ladyship, "the enormous quantity of fudge that has
been distributed under guards in all the strong places in the empire,
and which is strictly forbidden to be sold or given to any of the
natives under the severest penalties." "Lord!" replied he, "what in
the name of wonder can it be? Forbidden! why it must, but pray do you,
Lady Fashashash, do you know what this fudge is? Do you, Lord
Trastillauex? or you, Miss Gristilarkask? What! nobody know what this
fudge can be?"
It engrossed for several days the chit-chat of the whole empire.
Fudge, fudge, fudge, resounded in all companies and in all places,
from the rising until the setting of the sun; and even at night, when
gentle sleep refreshed the rest of mortals, the ladies of all that
country were dreaming of fudge!
"Upon my honour," said Kitty, as she was adjusting her modesty piece
before the glass, just after getting out of bed, "there is scarce
anything I would not give to know what this fudge can be." "La! my
dear," replied Miss Killnariska, "I have been dreaming the whole night
of nothing but fudge; I thought my lover kissed my hand, and pressed
it to his bosom, while I, frowning, endeavoured to wrest it from him:
that he kneeled at my feet. No, never, never will I look at you, cried
I, till you tell me what this fudge can be, or get me some of it.
Begone! cried I, with all the dignity of offended beauty, majesty, and
a tragic queen. Begone! never see me more, or bring me this delicious
fudge. He swore, on the honour of a knight, that he would wander o'er
the world, encounter every danger, perish in the attempt, or satisfy
the angel of his soul."
The chiefs and nobility of the nation, when they met together to drink
their kava, spoke of nothing but fudge. Men, women, and children all,
all talked of nothing but fudge. 'Twas a fury of curiosity, one
general ferment, and universal fever--nothing but fudge could allay
it.
But in one respect they all agreed, that government must have had some
interested view, in giving such positive orders to preserve it, and
keep it from the natives of the country. Petitions were addressed to
me from all quarters, from every corporation and body of men in the
whole empire. The majority of the people instructed their
constituents, and the parliament presented a petition, praying that I
would be pleased to take the state of the nation under consideration,
and give orders to satisfy the people, or the most dreadful
consequences were to be apprehended. To these requests, at the
entreaty of my council, I made no reply, or at best but unsatisfactory
answers. Curiosity was on the rack; they forgot to lampoon the
government, so engaged were they about the fudge. The great assembly
of the states could think of nothing else. Instead of enacting laws
for the regulation of the people, instead of consulting what should
seem most wise, most excellent, they could think, talk, and harangue
of nothing but fudge. In vain did the Speaker call to order; the more
checks they got the more extravagant and inquisitive they were.
In short, the populace in many places rose in the most outrageous and
tumultuous manner, forced open the granaries in all places in one day,
and triumphantly distributed the fudge through the whole empire.
Whether on account of the longing, the great curiosity, imagination,
or the disposition of the people, I cannot say--but they found it
infinitely to their taste; 'twas intoxication of joy, satisfaction,
and applause.
Finding how much they liked this fudge, I procured another quantity
from England, much greater than the former, and cautiously bestowed it
over all the kingdom. Thus were the affections of the people regained;
and they, from hence, began to venerate, applaud, and admire my
government more than ever. The following ode was performed at the
castle, in the most superb style, and universally admired:--
ODE.
Ye bulls and crickets, and Gog, Magog,
And trump'ts high chiming anthrophog,
Come sing blithe choral all in /og/,
Caralog, basilog, fog, and bog!
Great and superb appears thy cap sublime,
Admired and worshipp'd as the rising sun;
Solemn, majestic, wise, like hoary Time,
And fam'd alike for virtue, sense, and fun.
Then swell the noble strain with song,
And elegance divine,
While goddesses around shall throng,
And all the muses nine.
And bulls, and crickets, and Gog, Magog,
And trumpets chiming anthrophog,
Shall sing blithe choral all in /og/,
Caralog, basilog, fog, and bog!
This piece of poetry was much applauded, admired, and /encored/ in
every public assembly, celebrated as an astonishing effort of genius;
and the music, composed by Minheer Gastrashbark Gkrghhbarwskhk, was
thought equal to the sense!--Never was there anything so universally
admired, the summit of the most exquisite wit, the keenest praise, the
most excellent music.
"Upon my honour, and the faith I owe my love," said I, "music may be
talked of in England, but to possess the very soul of harmony the
world should come to the performance of this ode." Lady Fragrantia was
at that moment drumming with her fingers on the edge of her fan, lost
in a reverie, thinking she was playing upon---- Was it a forte piano?
"No, my dear Fragrantia," said I, tenderly taking her in my arms while
she melted into tears; "never, never, will I play upon any other----!"
Oh! 'twas divine, to see her like a summer's morning, all blushing and
full of dew!
